Ramblings...

I find expression beautiful. In all its forms. I think anything that has the power to tell a story - to make you feel - is an amazing thing and I value each thing I find that touches me this way.

I went for a run tonight and on the playlist I made, the song "Gravity" by Sara Bareilles came on. I love this song, it has such emotion to it and is really beautiful in kind of a dark, sad way. I was reminded of an episode of So You Think You Can Dance, where Mia Michaels choreographed a contemporary piece to this song. The dance was about addiction with one partner being the addict and the other the addiction (drug, toxic boyfriend, any and all kinds); it was really amazing.

There are things in life that can bring us down, trap us, make us feel like this is how it'll always be - but there's always a way out. This song and dance is personal to me. I had a toxic, addicting relationship with someone who brought me down.

i live here on my knees
as i try to make you see
that you're everything i think i need
here on the ground

I was not my best self while with this guy. It was almost impossible to get out of it. I was so far gone and "in love" with this person, it took something huge for me to finally break it off. I put quotes around the being in love part, because it was not a good kind of love. I know I was in love with him, but it was the self-destructive Tristan&Yseult, spinning-in-circles-with-your-eyes-closed kind of love where it blinds you - you can't see what's happening around you - you can't see that you're about to fall. It's selfish and tornado-like, destroying all within its path.

the one thing that i still know
is that you're keeping me down

It's been six months since him. He was an addiction that was hard to break. I was broken for a little bit, but I'm whole again. And I never have to break like that again.

here i am and i stand so tall
i'm just the way i'm supposed to be

There are ways out. It's amazing to look back over an experience and see the 'you' then and the 'you' now. The only way I could have gotten through such a horrible time is through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. What an amazing blessing that is! What an amazing power we have at our fingertips to help us through our darkest, saddest times.

There's beauty everywhere. A dance. Lyrics. A voice. A photograph. A smile. Love of family and friends.

Watch this video. It's beautiful. I hope it makes you feel something, too :)