I believe in God.
I believe in Jesus Christ.
I believe in the Holy Ghost.
I believe that we are children of God and that he loves all his children.
I believe that families are eternal.
I believe that through Christ's Atonement, we can repent of our sins and return to live with our Heavenly Father again.
I believe that God hears and answers prayers.
I believe that God knows me personally and individually.
In the simplest of terms, that is what I believe. Today, a friend on Facebook posted this new website released by our church, mormonsandgays.org. Going to the website, I felt sick. Immediately, I thought, "This does not reflect me." Let me say it again - THIS DOES NOT REFLECT WHAT I BELIEVE!
I am a Mormon. I believe in the gospel. I believe in Jesus Christ. And I do not believe that being gay is a sin.
One night, when I was feeling especially periodic and needing a good cry, I put on Philadelphia on Netflix. In one of the final scenes between Tom Hanks and Antonio Banderas, I began to full-on BAWL MY EYES OUT. I proceeded to say out loud (mind you, I was alone. in my room. in the dark.) "Love is beautiful! Love is rare! And it should be celebrated wherever it's found!" Dramatic? Maybe. But, I did say I was on my period.
I understand that what I am saying is controversial. Many people may be angry with me or believe me to be an unworthy member of the church. Like the title of this entry says, these are my feelings. They are controversial, but they are valid and, more importantly, they are authentically me. Maybe there are other members who feel similar to me. I just could not let my family and friends, both members and not members of the church, think that what was reflected on the website was what I personally believed. I'm probably not doing a very good job at conveying this, but it's also important for you to know that I love the gospel, I love the church. And I also can feel my feelings and think differently in this area, because that is what feels most authentic to being me.
I understand what the "ideal" is, but this is mortality. This is real and when has ANYTHING been perfect? Why isn't the church opening condemning couples that live together before marriage? or unmarried couples who adopt children? or placing governmental bans to prevent sex before marriage? or why not go back to prohibition days? These are all things the church says is wrong, but why aren't we going after these things? If we believe in people's agency, why is THIS matter of agency the one thing we are waging war against? There are INFINITE other battles to be fought. It gay relationships and gay marriage is what is going to "destroy the family", then it wasn't very strong to begin with.
I think having a message of kindness is great and beautiful and a lovely, teeny baby step in the right direction.
I understand that what I am saying is controversial. Many people may be angry with me or believe me to be an unworthy member of the church. Like the title of this entry says, these are my feelings. They are controversial, but they are valid and, more importantly, they are authentically me. Maybe there are other members who feel similar to me. I just could not let my family and friends, both members and not members of the church, think that what was reflected on the website was what I personally believed. I'm probably not doing a very good job at conveying this, but it's also important for you to know that I love the gospel, I love the church. And I also can feel my feelings and think differently in this area, because that is what feels most authentic to being me.
I understand what the "ideal" is, but this is mortality. This is real and when has ANYTHING been perfect? Why isn't the church opening condemning couples that live together before marriage? or unmarried couples who adopt children? or placing governmental bans to prevent sex before marriage? or why not go back to prohibition days? These are all things the church says is wrong, but why aren't we going after these things? If we believe in people's agency, why is THIS matter of agency the one thing we are waging war against? There are INFINITE other battles to be fought. It gay relationships and gay marriage is what is going to "destroy the family", then it wasn't very strong to begin with.
I think having a message of kindness is great and beautiful and a lovely, teeny baby step in the right direction.
That night I watched Philadelphia, even in my hormonal state, I still believe what I said aloud to be true. Love really should be celebrated wherever it is found. I have my own issues with relationships (usually unhealthy ones) and I wholeheartedly believe that when two people, no matter the gender, can be their whole, authentic selves together - that really is a beautiful thing.
