People I love are ENGAGED!!! (not to each other...)

So my dearest friend Jessica is engaged and I needed a place to post all the gifs that is me reacting to this joyous news! So Jessica - these are for you! Congratulations!

Now, ALSO my beautiful sister ADELE got engaged back on New Year's Eve, but I was there and didn't need to send her gifs - I got to act them out!

So, Adele and Jessica - these are for you! I'm so excited!

Thanksgiving My Way

WARNING: crazy woman ranting/rambling ahead.

Thanksgiving was always a day about family for me growing up. We got up and watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade together in our pajamas, while we could peek at Mom cooking in the kitchen through the awesome saloon-style doors.

(For real - they looked like this.)

After the parade, we'd keep the dog show on as we got all fancy and nice to head over to Aunt Iz and Uncle Ray's to have the big dinner with the cousins and aunts and uncles and Grandpa Red and sit at the big table - laughing, sharing stories, eating the macaroni pie... It was the best of the best of the big family dinners. I love my family.

We could fall asleep on the floor or the couch or whatever, after we'd stuffed ourselves and nobody cared. You just wake them up when it's time for dessert.

As I've been at school, I've been really blessed to know amazing, sweet, caring people who have invited me to their own family dinners. Spending the weekend with Asia's family at their awesome church-house (I want to say we slept on a couch in the basement and Thor was my pillow or shared my pillow...?), going with Alex to her grandmothers's houses (yes, plural. And I fell asleep at one...), and having dinner with Anna's and Katie's families have made the past few years away from family GREAT and WONDERFUL and I am forever grateful to them for opening their homes to me.

I had so many sweet, thoughtful offers this year to spend the holiday with friends. But, I decided to do something different this year. Which brings me to the rant portion of this post: I'm tired of people giving me a look about how I spend my day or telling me that my Thanksgiving was "sad". No, it wasn't. It was what I wanted to do. I picked this.

This year I made "Thanksgiving4One" a thing. OK, it's not a thing, but today it was a thing. I decided to cook an entire Thanksgiving meal for myself. I got an awesome little five-pound turkey, I made corn casserole, green bean casserole, sweet potatoes, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy and made sure to have some rolls and cranberry jelly on hand - with some sparkling cranberry juice for the "classy lady" in me.                            

I've never made turkey before. I've never made sweet potatoes before. Those who cook are probably reading this like, "pssh, girl it's not that hard." But if you know me, then you know I can make cereal and mac and cheese and that's the extent of my culinary skills. Pulling off this meal was going to be a huge accomplishment for me - but it was something I really wanted to do on my own. Does this sound crazy to you? Maybe. Does that mean it's "sad" or wrong? No. Not when it's my choice.

I got up and watched the Macy's parade like when I was little, having missed past years because I was working. I talked with my sister most of the morning, figured out how to make ALL that food with one oven and one me, talked with more family that I love and miss - but also, I got to celebrate and be thankful for me and what makes this holiday special for me. I got to spend time accomplishing something awesome (one that provides lots of leftovers), I could fall asleep after dinner without the embarrassment of it being at a stranger's house (tell your grandma sorry again, Alex) and connect to those things I loved about Thanksgiving when I was six.

So, yes. My Thanksgiving was unusual and different and wasn't spent with family and friends in the tangible sense (since, come on - Skype, google hangouts and cell phones let me connect with the people I love). But don't tell me it was sad or look at me like my choice was wrong or pathetic. I had options and this was just the one that I felt like trying. I am so thankful that I did! What a wonderful day! I had Christmas songs on all day! I had pine-tree candles lit! I got to think about all of the incredible blessings I have! And there wasn't anything sad about that.

...If the turkey hadn't come out, THEN there would have been something to be sad about...

(Yes, it's a plate of mush, but it's MY HOMEMADE plate of mush.)

Happy Birthday, RUBY!

Happy 2nd Birthday to my incredible, beautiful, HILARIOUS, super fun niece, Ruby Joy Gabriel.

Here's a look back to my time with her ONE YEAR AGO to her first birthday to now, this cracks-me-up toddler who I can't get enough of!

When I'm with Ruby, I forget all about my stupid little "shoulds" and "ought to bes". She doesn't care if I gain five (or ten) pounds, if I made a mistake at work, tripped on the sidewalk/flashed an entire subway station - just as long as I set up those monsters quick enough! :) She's so awesome and incredible as she is, that it helps give me courage to just be...whoever I am. I know, I know, I'm getting inspiration and strength from a two-year-old? But whatever - she's wise.

My wish for her is that she continues to grow into the amazing, incredible girl she is.  The girl that LOVES being around other kids and will crash a birthday party to join in the fun (seriously, the girl makes friends wherever she goes!). I know, this sounds like a dumb wish (duh, of course she'll continue to grow, Mia...), but listen! Being 2, the "shoulds" and "ought to bes" haven't gotten to her yet - and I hope that she's always able to be her authentic, genuine self whatever and whomever that is. Crashing birthday parties and all.

 I'll crash these birthday parties with you, Ruby! I will always be here to support you, to play with you, to love you and I'll always have gum.

I love you, Ruby! Here's to the next year's adventures of Ruby and Mee-ah!

Real

Well, yes, it's been forever since I've blogged. Which is horrible! I had such high hopes and good intentions of blogging about my time in the city. This weekend I'll do a "Best of May" or a "May highlights" post, but tonight my post is small and simple. 

I'm obsessed with Doctor Who. (I know, I'm late joining the party, but just be happy I showed up at all.) When I want to relax after work, this is what I've been doing. So, it's fitting that my first post in a million light years is a quote from Doctor Who. 

“You know when sometimes you meet someone so beautiful, and then you actually talk to them and five minutes later they’re as dull as a brick? Then there’s other people, and you meet them and think, “not bad, they’re okay.” And then you get to know them and, and their face just sort of becomes them. Like their personality’s written all over it. And they just, they turn into something so beautiful. Rory’s the most beautiful man I’ve ever met.”

Now, Amy's talking about her husband here. After all the boys who chased her, she picked Rory and she's sort of explaining why it was always him. 

To me, this is real. It's such a great thing to remember to genuinely look at someone for who they are. I hope I can get over all my silly insecurities, my awkwardness and my abashedness to give more people a chance. Not just for them to know me, but for me to know them, learn from them and see how many different stories are out there. 

Just for fun, here's a picture of Rory and the Doctor in New York City with big coats. 

11 hour work day

Well, today was the start of my internship and wow was it long. But awesome!

We had to be at the office this morning at 9:30am, went through orientation and how some things work and started on some tasks. The people that we work with are really really sweet and nice and smart and great with people. They took us to lunch today at this great little French restaurant nearby. We met the director of the office that afternoon, and it's pretty obvious why he is great at his job - he's incredibly friendly and could make connections with anyone about anything. Super.cool. Work finished up at 5pm and the public affairs missionary couple was picking me and Chelsea (my partner/intern-in-crime) at 5:30 to go to an event at the UN that featured the Polynesian Cultural Center dancers from Hawaii. There was really great food, leis and lots of standing in heels. Man. I am not cut out to be this type of business woman. My feet were screaming by the end of the show - 8:30pm. Check it - 11 hours of my heels. I couldn't WAIT to get outside and switch to my flip flops for my subway ride home.

I can already tell these next eight weeks will challenge me, help me grow and improve in my PR career and overall be an extremely rewarding experience!

Here are some photos from the event!

Welcome to the neighborhood

I moved into my apartment today! OK, apartment isn't the right word. It's a student and intern house - so, basically a dorm. Now, this dorm living is new for me. I skipped that rite of passage and went straight to apartments when I went to college. So, sharing a room is going to take a little getting used to.      Luckily, the nice office-woman-in-charge said my room is the largest on the floor, so me and whoever the girl is living with me will get our space. Also, there's two windows, which makes it super light and we're on the eighth floor, which gives a great view and not quite so close to street noise (but come on, it's Manhattan, you'll always hear street noise).

Today was pretty full. This weekend I stayed at Joe and Joy's (which was SO AWESOME! I love my family!), so this morning was an early start followed by lots and lots of Ruby time! She is the cutest little girl in the world and I LOVE playing with her. She's hilarious and I laugh and smile the whole time I'm with her. Dad has been here lending a hand to the J's as they make the transition from parents-of-one to parents-of-two. I lucked out that Dad was still here when I flew in and let late this afternoon, which meant he helped move me in to my building and help get me set up. Having Dad help me move in really really meant so much. I've never had a parent move me to school or anywhere before, so it was nice to get help with my millions of giant bags, help me explore my neighborhood and grocery shop with me.

After our very-pointless-and-utterly-boring orientation that didn't even apply to us students staying on the East Side (the rest of the students are staying on the UWS). Two of the other girls and I went around getting things we needed, checking out where we needed to go the next day and falling more and more in love with the city, even with the drizzle and gray today. We ate at this restaurant nearby called Barking Dog. I should have taken a picture of my food for Dad - but it was kind of dark in there and my phone was about to die...  But I had this really good salmon and avocado fettuccine. It was a fun little find on the first night.

Now, I'm back in my room. Tomorrow is the first day of my internship. I've unpacked, checked Hop Stop for how to get there, made my list of what I need to get after work and am here writing to you all. And to be honest, feeling a little sad. I love New York. This really is my favorite place in the world and I cannot believe I get to live here. The room doesn't really feel homey yet, and maybe having my Dad drop me off transported me back to being 18 and away from home for the first time on that first night of Freshman year living in the dorm. I'm excited for this new adventure, though. I am SO SO SO grateful for the people that helped me transition here - Joy for being there for me WAY MORE than she'll ever know (for real, this woman brings tears to my eyes), Joe for always looking out for me and to both of them for teaching me how to be a New Yorker, Mom for talking me through crises and Dad for being my moving buddy today and sharing this experience with me. If you couldn't tell from my Academy Award-like Thank You speech - I love my family a lot and it's so comforting to know I have them by my side to love and support me, whether it's three subway stops away or a three hour plane ride away.

"Everyone's always disappointed. Valentine's Day is the bully of holidays. It forces love on people who aren't in love. Cupid's freakish."

"I'm boycotting Valentine's Day from now on! Who's with me?!"

- Maggie Jordan on The Newsroom

My controversial, yet valid feelings.

So, if you are reading this (the two of you), then you must know me pretty well and you will know that I am a Mormon. Instead of turning this into one of those "I'm a Mormon" videos, I'll just tell you what I believe.

I believe in God.

I believe in Jesus Christ.

I believe in the Holy Ghost.

I believe that we are children of God and that he loves all his children.

I believe that families are eternal. 

I believe that through Christ's Atonement, we can repent of our sins and return to live with our Heavenly Father again.

I believe that God hears and answers prayers. 

I believe that God knows me personally and individually. 

In the simplest of terms, that is what I believe. Today, a friend on Facebook posted this new website released by our church, mormonsandgays.org. Going to the website, I felt sick. Immediately, I thought, "This does not reflect me." Let me say it again - THIS DOES NOT REFLECT WHAT I BELIEVE! 

I am a Mormon. I believe in the gospel. I believe in Jesus Christ. And I do not believe that being gay is a sin.

One night, when I was feeling especially periodic and needing a good cry, I put on Philadelphia on Netflix. In one of the final scenes between Tom Hanks and Antonio Banderas, I began to full-on BAWL MY EYES OUT. I proceeded to say out loud (mind you, I was alone. in my room. in the dark.) "Love is beautiful! Love is rare! And it should be celebrated wherever it's found!" Dramatic? Maybe. But, I did say I was on my period.

I understand that what I am saying is controversial. Many people may be angry with me or believe me to be an unworthy member of the church. Like the title of this entry says, these are my feelings. They are controversial, but they are valid and, more importantly, they are authentically me. Maybe there are other members who feel similar to me. I just could not let my family and friends, both members and not members of the church, think that what was reflected on the website was what I personally believed. I'm probably not doing a very good job at conveying this, but it's also important for you to know that I love the gospel, I love the church. And I also can feel my feelings and think differently in this area, because that is what feels most authentic to being me.

I understand what the "ideal" is, but this is mortality. This is real and when has ANYTHING been perfect? Why isn't the church opening condemning couples that live together before marriage? or unmarried couples who adopt children? or placing governmental bans to prevent sex before marriage? or why not go back to prohibition days? These are all things the church says is wrong, but why aren't we going after these things? If we believe in people's agency, why is THIS matter of agency the one thing we are waging war against? There are INFINITE other battles to be fought. It gay relationships and gay marriage is what is going to "destroy the family", then it wasn't very strong to begin with.

I think having a message of kindness is great and beautiful and a lovely, teeny baby step in the right direction. 

That night I watched Philadelphia, even in my hormonal state, I still believe what I said aloud to be true. Love really should be celebrated wherever it is found. I have my own issues with relationships (usually unhealthy ones) and I wholeheartedly believe that when two people, no matter the gender, can be their whole, authentic selves together - that really is a beautiful thing. 

Three weeks...

I have three weeks until I go home for Christmas break! I. Can't. Wait. Seriously. Provo is grand and I've got some good friends here, but all that awaits me these next three weeks are finals, projects, mountains of homework, people getting engaged, couples walking around talking about getting engaged, couples getting married. It's beautiful and wonderful for them - but also, it gets a little annoying for the rest of us whose goal in life is to leave Provo.

My feelings for these next few weeks can be summed up in this tumblr post: http://myfriendsaremarried.tumblr.com/post/36355420866/when-i-think-about-all-the-engagements-that-are-about

Aside from my Scrooge-like feelings towards finals and young Provo love, I have so much to be grateful for this holiday season (and all the other days, too)! I have SEVEN reasons I'm so excited to go home. And here they are in no particular order.

Joe and Joy and The Dude (not pictured).

Dad (Above)







< ---------- Gina

 Adele (the beautiful viking on the above right)






<---------- Mom

 <----Ruby

I love my family SO MUCH and can't wait to spend time with them! I know there'll be a lot of us in a small space, but that's just how we do it! It's the architectures way of making us closer and bonding us together.

 I think of the food, the Christmas made-for-TV movies, going to Disney, walking around Dad's neighborhood - did I mention the food? There is so much to look forward to and to be grateful for.

Now, to get over my insane fear of flying and make it the 7 hour plane ride home. Anyone got an Ambien?

So, I'm jumping into an oven...essentially.

So, it's been a while since I've blogged and it took a very sweet friend of mine's blog to make me do it again. Instead of just writing how I feel or what's going on in my life - I almost feel like my blog needs to be another homework assignment I'm going to be graded on (or judged, if you will) and it needs to be perfect. My hope for this is that I can just WRITE without worrying about the people (two of you) who might read this and judge me for my ugly blog design or lame musings. So here goes.

If anyone knows anything about me, it's that I love movies. So, of course, the title of this entry comes from a movie. It's a quote that I think a lot about when things get rough and I feel like how can I push forward? Here's the clip:

Can you see what I'm saying? Other than how gorgeous Jeremy Renner is, which there's not really a question about.

This semester has been insane. I'm working for the school paper (required for a class), where we need to turn in two articles a week along with the class assignments and I'm working a million jobs and trying to keep up in all my communications classes and sometimes I really feel like someone has just asked me to jump into an oven and some magnetic suit is supposed to be the thing that saves me.

It's not a secret that Provo isn't my favorite place in the world and it probably doesn't even rank in my top five. I'm an east coast girl and you can take the girl out of the east, but you can't take the east out of the girl, am I right?

On Tuesday I'll be turning 25 and in Provo, as a single woman, I might as well be filing for social security instead of gaining the ability to rent a car. Mormons, especially in Utah, culturally believe in getting married young and having a family young. I am no where near either of those things and if you get to my age without those things happening, there's a stigma attached that something MUST be wrong with you, I mean how could NO ONE want you yet, it's just crazy to imagine that I haven't been "chosen" yet, like one of those little aliens in the Toy Story vending machine.

Most of the time, I feel fine about where I am in my life. This is MY journey and yes, it may be different from everyone else's, but it's MINE and everything I've been through has made me the person that I am and continues to do so. But, sometimes, there are days when those negative thoughts about my age, body, situation in life, abilities and self-doubt regarding everything and anything start to slip through the cracks in my poorly insulated bedroom windows (that reminds me, I need to buy curtains with winter coming...). As Julia Roberts says in Pretty Woman, "The bad stuff is easier to believe." Some days it IS easier to just believe the bad things people say and the negative stigmas and connotations that go along with my journey and my story of a 25 year old still in college, single in Provo. In one of those days where my senior citizen status in Provo felt particularly potent, I signed up for the LDSsingles dating site. AH! I just told you all (the two of you) my secret! Let the judging commence! Yep, online dating. That site can be an entire blog post by itself, so I'll hold off on saying anything more about that.

Back to the Jeremy Renner clip... Simon Pegg has to reassure Renner over and over that he.will.catch.him. Not to go into the spiritual (which I actually quoted this clip in a testimony meeting a couple months ago and related it to my relationship with God), but he isn't the only person who has caught me. There are the friends who make Starbucks runs with me, who invite me to spend Thanksgiving with them, who go running in the freezing cold with me because I need to talk or let out frustration or just CONNECT to someone who isn't a robot and has their own opinions, like me. There are the people who send me little reminders that they love me and that I'm special to them, all the way from New York, Boston and Florida.

My life right now is me jumping into a giant oven. But, it feels really great having people around to catch me.

Shoo Fly

A mosquito just tried to land on my face and I smacked myself really hard on the nose.

ouch. 

Adventures of the carless

So, today Gina and I wanted sushi and the best place to get it is at Sushi Ya. We had to take TWO buses to get there. Yes, you read that right - two. Getting there was easy as pie. The way back was a different story.

We spent a lot of time in Sushi Ya. Mainly because we each decided to get four rolls. Big mistake. My third roll was a salmon skin roll. Mainly because of the Friends reference.

It was really really gross. No offense to those who like it - but it was not my favorite. I wanted something to override the disgusting salmon skin roll, so I got the more delicious happy roll (salmon and cream cheese). It took all we could muster to try and finish up the food (they charge you more if you don't finish, since it's an all-you-can-eat thing). I ended up putting three pieces in a napkin and shoving it in my bag to throw out later... shhhhhh!

By the time we made it out to the bus stop, the bus had already come and gone. We look at the schedule to find out it was going to be a 30 minutes before the next one! Are you kidding me? 

We sit in the shade on some grass to wait it out. While we're sitting there, many people pass by us. One girl carrying a chair, looks at us, and says: want a chair?

Me and Gina: uhhh, no thanks...

girl with chair keeps on walking down the street.

Why was she carrying this chair? What were we gonna do with the chair? Was she gonna wait while we sat on the chair till the bus came? All these questions will be left unanswered I guess...

Rough Cut

Okay, so we videoed my boxing today - i'm kind of all shadows and we go out of the shot a lot haha, so maybe at some point i'll get a better copy :)

Enjoy! Watch starting at 5:25 - all the stuff before is just warm ups. My boxing routine is 3 rounds of new school combos on southpaw, orthodox, and southpaw again.

Go to http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/15851507 to watch - i tried to post it but it wasn't working :(

Reading...

For my upcoming vacation, I got some books to read on the plane and when relaxing at the beach. :) 

Can't. Wait. 

Mean Right Hook

Today was a rough training day. My body hasn't really been feeling much of anything from training, but after today's session, I am SURE I'll be feeling this! The first two knuckles on each hand are still slightly pink and my session ended at 4:30...it's almost 8:30...

I'll take you through my training today, since I'm sure you're all so curious. :)

We start off warming up with tossing the medicine ball back and forth. They get a little trickier - i turn around and twist behind me to my left to catch the ball then throw it back twisting to my right, then catch right, twist, throw left. It definitely works you.

Then we drilled each combination and would add on. Combos like, double jab, hook, straight or a six hook. We did these combinations on my southpaw side (left) and then orthodox (right). I loved working these combinations and today we got down to business, talking about where each punch would land and impact and motivations, etc. Not gonna lie, I took a couple hits and they were jostling, to say the least. One combination we worked was a "catch hook," where you go in to hit your opponent with a straight punch, they dodge and go to hit you on the side of the head. You catch it by placing your glove directly next to your head to absorb the impact and then hook punch them with your other hand in the ribs. One of my favorite combinations is the "Six Hook." You start with your lead hand and punch 1, then alternate 2,3,4,5,6 and when the opponent swings at you, you make a "buffy-like" dodge by ducking underneath, moving your body in a circle, and coming back up to deliver a hard hook.

My hook is awesome. Hadyn is always impressed by how much strength I put into it and land it every time. I've learned how much power to put behind each punch and how the gloves feel to deliver that perfect hit that makes this "crack" against the training mits. It's a pretty cool sound. I was definitely perspiring by the end of the combo series.

Next, we worked on kicks. These are some of the hardest things I've ever had to do. They require such balance and strength that I just don't have yet. Yesterday, we learned a side kick, straight kick, roundhouse kick, and a hook kick. Today, we added a hook-over-top and roundhouse - basically you swing your leg over and then roundhouse them. The difficult part of training kicks is we do them in a pyramid style - starting with three singles on each leg, then doubles, then triples, then doubles, then singles. Trying to keep your leg in the air after that first kick to deliver two more is really really horrible - I was not very good and felt a little embarrassed, since usually people stop to watch my sessions (no one really expects such a tiny girl to be boxing). When we learned a spin hook using the rear leg...well, I suck at explaining these - so watch this video on hook kicks...


We did spin hooks in a pyramid, too - try doing these in doubles and triples...so.very.hard.

I left the session today feeling tired, worked, and a little disappointed in myself. My kicks were not very good and I fumbled a few combos. I have to remember that I'm learning though and it'll get better with time as long as I'm patient with myself. Even though I didn't feel like it was my best training day, it was still really fun and a great workout, especially with hot pink boxing gloves.

A Day in the Life

Today was an awesome day. I got my boxing gloves in the mail and in between my double shift, I got to break them in. Oh, and I learned some kicks in my session today.

Hot chicks with superpowers

I work at 24hr Fitness here in Provo. No, I'm not a personal trainer. No, I'm not going to try and sell you a membership. I work in the Kid's Club, so I just watch babies all day. It's great and it's fun and usually pretty uneventful. Like tonight.

We're open from 4 - 8pm Monday through Thursday with three people working. Tonight, we had one child from 4-5pm. Seriously. One kid. While Steph and I held down the fort, Tiffany went out to the sales floor to work on new member agreements. Once our one kid left at 5, it was another whole hour before any more showed up. During that hour, Steph and I went upstairs where all the machines are to re-rack weights...

Side Note:
I love seeing the reactions from people when I re-rack weights! When I start going around picking up plates to put back on our little "weight tree", asking people "are you using these?" - something funny starts to happen. Members start putting their own weights back when they are finished! Something that they never do but are ONLY doing because they see us girls wearing red 24hr fitness shirts trying to carry a 45lb weight in each hand back to the weight tree. They feel guilty and guilt keeps a clean gym, I guess. :)

With the members pitching in, this didn't kill as much time as we thought it would. We headed back downstairs to waste more time when we saw Hayden sitting at one of the computers in the sales pit (little area with all the computers where the people try to sell you memberships). Hayden is a newly hired personal trainer, originally from South Africa but recently moved from Hawaii where he trained MMA (mixed martial arts) fighters. Pretty impressive, huh? We heard he went through a workout with Mindy, our fitness manager, so we asked what he showed her. He opened up his duffel bag to reveal PINK boxing gloves and pads! So.Awesome.

Right there in the middle of the gym, he took us each through a routine one on one. I learned that I am a "Southpaw," because I am left-handed. I learn the "Southpaw stance," "hook," "jab," "cross," "uppercuts"... He gives instructions and I follow as best I can. A double hook, straight punch, block, duck, circle...I feel like I'm straight out of Million Dollar Baby... I try not to think about the people that are staring as they come into the gym or walk by us. I feel the adrenaline kick in and really get into the part of a boxer. All too soon, my turn was over.

I have always loved shows where girls kick major butt - Charlie's Angels, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Power Rangers...



Here's a deep, dark, Mia secret for you -
I have always wanted to be Buffy. I want super-strength! I want to know some awesome martial arts-gymnastics moves to beat the bad guys... She was so cool! And nobody would expect such awesome skills out of a petite little thing like herself. Yes, if I was a superhero it would be Buffy.

We were busy the rest of the shift and it went back to being an uneventful night. Well, I guess it was a bit better than other uneventful nights.

Tonight, when I strapped on those pink gloves - I was a superhero.

Lesson learned...

I am normally a very smart and sensible girl. Normally.

Yesterday after work, I was impatiently waiting for the bus - which is almost always late. I was anxious to get home because it was Seven Peaks Day and I needed to hurry back so Lexi and I could walk the many blocks to the water park, have time to play, all before I had to get back and ready for my show of "Merchant of Venice" that night.

I'm waiting at the bus when I hear a voice from a car pulling out from the lot say, "Hey, do you need a ride?"

The bus is still over 10 minutes away with another 20 minutes drive and walk time. If I let this stranger drive me back, I could be home in about 5 minutes.

"Okay." And I get in the car. I can hear the voices of my mother, father, and BOTH sisters screaming in my ear to not go, but I ignore it thinking of how buff I've gotten and that I'll be safe.

He asks where I live, but I say "I just need to go to the Provo Library." I'm not telling him where I live.

The ride isn't creepy and we were there in 5 minutes. We get to the library and I thank the kind, non-creepy man. Just when I think I've successfully cheated the system...

"Can I convince you to give me a kiss?"

Ummmm....excuse me?

"Nope, not a chance." I make a break for it and run into the library.

Don't worry, anyone reading this and screaming at me over the computer...I've learned my lesson. :)

Ramblings...

I find expression beautiful. In all its forms. I think anything that has the power to tell a story - to make you feel - is an amazing thing and I value each thing I find that touches me this way.

I went for a run tonight and on the playlist I made, the song "Gravity" by Sara Bareilles came on. I love this song, it has such emotion to it and is really beautiful in kind of a dark, sad way. I was reminded of an episode of So You Think You Can Dance, where Mia Michaels choreographed a contemporary piece to this song. The dance was about addiction with one partner being the addict and the other the addiction (drug, toxic boyfriend, any and all kinds); it was really amazing.

There are things in life that can bring us down, trap us, make us feel like this is how it'll always be - but there's always a way out. This song and dance is personal to me. I had a toxic, addicting relationship with someone who brought me down.

i live here on my knees
as i try to make you see
that you're everything i think i need
here on the ground

I was not my best self while with this guy. It was almost impossible to get out of it. I was so far gone and "in love" with this person, it took something huge for me to finally break it off. I put quotes around the being in love part, because it was not a good kind of love. I know I was in love with him, but it was the self-destructive Tristan&Yseult, spinning-in-circles-with-your-eyes-closed kind of love where it blinds you - you can't see what's happening around you - you can't see that you're about to fall. It's selfish and tornado-like, destroying all within its path.

the one thing that i still know
is that you're keeping me down

It's been six months since him. He was an addiction that was hard to break. I was broken for a little bit, but I'm whole again. And I never have to break like that again.

here i am and i stand so tall
i'm just the way i'm supposed to be

There are ways out. It's amazing to look back over an experience and see the 'you' then and the 'you' now. The only way I could have gotten through such a horrible time is through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. What an amazing blessing that is! What an amazing power we have at our fingertips to help us through our darkest, saddest times.

There's beauty everywhere. A dance. Lyrics. A voice. A photograph. A smile. Love of family and friends.

Watch this video. It's beautiful. I hope it makes you feel something, too :)

A Night of Delicious Flavor

"Rally the horses, Jules. We're about to crack your case like an egg. And then we can make omelets with shallots.... and justice."

Yesterday was a day of firsts for many.

It was the first time I had ever been to J Dawgs. For those of you outside of Utah, J Dawgs is a hotdog place that is inexpensive and insanely delicious. They have this special sauce they put on the hotdogs that definitely makes the experience.

It was also the first time my roommates and some friends were going to experience the joy that is the television show PSYCH starring James Roday and Dule Hill. The show follows Shawn Spencer, a man with a photographic memory, and his best friend Burton "Gus" Guster as they pretend and convince all that Shawn is a psychic as they solve cases for the Santa Barbara Police Department. It's hilariously clever and one of the best shows on TV.

On a particular episode of Psych, Shawn and Gus encounter a food called "Fries Quatro Queso Dos Fritos." These are twice fried potatoes with a four cheese mixture inside, served with sour cream and bacon. These fries don't actually exist, but many psych fans have tried their hands at recreating them. Last night was my turn.

You start off getting small potatoes, cutting them in half and scooping out most of the insides, stuffing them with cheese and securing with toothpicks. You drop them in the fryer for ten minutes and take them out to cool. Then you bread or batter them (we used panko) and fry them again for only a minute. They sound horribly unhealthy, but they were soooo good.




My roommates, Ansley and Caroline were such good sports to help me. It definitely took all three of us to get it all together!

Here's how they turned out!









The party turned out pretty fun. Nobody had ever tried "Fries Quatro Queso Dos Fritos" before and they were a big hit. We also had other "psych" foods to make the first viewing experience awesome for all. Here's a picture of the spread!

The only thing missing from this picture is we also had double chocolate fudge brownies. Yeah, it was a pretty unhealthy night. But the grapes and pineapple helped balance it out, right? :)